A while ago, I was listening to the podcast of Frank Skinner’s Absolute radio show and the phone-in was Idiotic Eureka Moments (IEMs). Someone called in and said they’d only recently “got” the connection between Sooty and Sweep (i.e. chimney sweeping). Someone else said they thought that when parking instructions specified “No return within one hour” that they couldn’t actually come back to their car for an hour, even if they’d finished what they were doing after, like, five minutes. I have a number of these IEMs, but I’ve literally just had one, thanks to @DTMM on Twitter and so I wanted to share.
Goodbye Girl (that’s a Go West song)
If you know me IRL or even if you used to read my old blog, you will have heard this story, but I’m telling it again anyway. Years ago – like 1989/90 – I lived and worked in Richmond, Surrey. One day, I was on my way home from the shops, about 15-20 minutes walk, and I saw Peter Cox from Go West. I went up to him and said something like, “Hello. I haven’t got a pen so I can’t ask you for an autograph, but I wanted to say hello.”
He was very sweet and charming and said, “You walking this way?” I was and so he walked me home. We talked all the way, he was lovely. We got to my gate and he gave me a quick kiss and I went inside, all giddy and thrilled with what a lovely person he was. Years later, I was telling someone the story and they said, “I bet he just wanted to make sure you didn’t follow him home.” Oh. You know, that’s probably right. It had never occurred to me. Damn.
A couple of years after the above, I was working in a music industry accountants. At Christmas, we were all given cash bonuses. How it worked was the boss told us all to come up to his office before we went home. This was to pick up our bonus. We weren’t told that, but most of us knew or at least suspected.
On the day in question, I’d worked late and when I went to see him he gave me my envelope and then said, “Eva* didn’t come for hers, so you can have it” and handed me a second envelope. There was £200, in £50 notes, in each envelope. Now I’d like to say that I saved the envelope and gave it to Eva next time I saw her, but I didn’t. I don’t actually think that even occurred to me. I just thought, “Result!”
I was telling this story (obviously much more concisely) to @DTMM on Twitter today and I said, “I felt a bit guilty, but not guilty enough to not accept it, cos I was skint. Got burgled that Christmas tho.” Ping! “Probably karma,” I added. It’s taken me – what? – almost twenty years to put the two together. The burglers didn’t get the cash (I’d hidden it in a Blackburn Rovers Season Best Of video box), but they got almost everything else. Served me right, no? Goodness, I’m slow on the uptake…
So make me feel better – what are your IEMs? What’s made you go “duh” at yourself?
* not her real name!