December 2006: George Clooney

Yep, it’s that man again. I have been known to bore people with the history of my Clooney-crush and I can’t believe I’ve let you people get away with it for so long (it’s possible that I haven’t and I’m repeating myself, but what the hell – it’s my blog).

So. Back in the olden days when people first had videos, my dad had a mate who owned a video shop and we used to get a lot of films out. One of them was this idiotic thing about killer tomatoes. I remember a scene with what looked like blood on the floor and the police officer tasted it and said “Catsup” or something. I was horrified to think that police might test blood by tasting it, but what did I know, I was only about 10. I remember that the tomatoes could be “killed” by a certain song and that once the song was playing, but the tomatoes kept on coming and then you saw they were massive and they were wearing earmuffs. And I remember this cute guy.

Then Channel 4 started and started to show US comedy shows at 9pm on a Friday night (I think). There was this one called ER or Emergency Room starring Elliot Gould and it had this cute character called Ace. He was thick, but he was cute. Me and my sister loved him. We checked his name in the credits: George Clooney. I was then – as now – obsessed with US TV and whenever I watched anything, I crossed my fingers and whispered “George Clooney, George Clooney” to myself. One day, it worked. He was “Special guest star: George Clooney” on Crazy Like A Fox.

A few years passed and 9pm Friday on Channel 4 was Roseanne. And Roseanne’s boss was Booker. George Clooney. This time he was a bit of an asshole, but he was funny and sexy and my mum joined me and my sister in our crush. (We adored Roseanne in our house.)

A few more years went by and I read about a TV show called ER starring George Clooney. But. That made no sense. It had been years since ER had finished, they surely couldn’t be bringing it back now. It was just a coincidence. A different ER, but the same George Clooney. And goodness me, he’d grown up a bit since Roseanne. He was Dr Doug Ross and he was, well, he was incredible. Sexy, charming, funny, damaged, principled, strong and weak. I loved him.

I loved that he was so upset by giving a little boy (his name was Che-che; and his mother was played by Lucy Liu) a spinal tap that he shagged Carter’s girlfriend. I loved that when he saw the footprint on the back of a little girl who’d “fallen” off a balcony that he ran straight out and smashed her father in the face. I even loved that Hathaway had been so devastated by their break-up that she’d tried to kill herself (and that’s so not healthy). I loved his relationship with Mark and how incredible he looked in that black t-shirt and jeans when he went to retrieve his father’s body from … somewhere hot.

I loved how he wasn’t afraid of anyone and that he was his own worst enemy and knew it. I loved how he tried to take care of the homeless girl played by Kirsten Dunst even though she kept abusing his kindness. And, oh my god, I loved how he burst out of the water, holding that almost-drowned child, wearing a tux, in the helicopter’s spotlight. And I loved his face – and his beard – when Carol moved to Portland to be with him and their twins and his sodding boat.