April 2007: Any dream will do?

Okay. I’ve  literally just got out of bed and I had to come and write this down because last night I had the World’s Maddest Dreams!

My in-laws’ paper “boy” is about 30 and is a bit odd. Let’s call him Nick. I dreamt David wanted trombone lessons and discovered that Nick was a great trombonist. Nick agreed to give David lessons and they were hashing out the terms (£2 per lesson, 2 lessons a week, 77 lessons required) when David, who was shirtless, lifted his arm and Nick licked his armpit. The negotiations broke down.

I was incubating hundreds of tiny bright red ducklings in a radiator.

I was “dating” Seamus from Any Dream Will Do, but he was living on my dad’s roof with his brother. My parents’ neighbour who I haven’t seen for years, came round to check him out then emailed me to tell me he was a “hottie”.

I had befriended a load of animals who seemed to be living in a giant cage in my in-laws garden. I would go outside to chat to a tiny black (talking) pig and a (talking) chicken who would sit on my head and dangle upside down to look me in the face.

What the hell did I eat last night?

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