So the internet went down. I refreshed it. I refreshed it again. And again. And again. [Repeat beyond all reason.] I tried to log out and back in, but my details weren’t showing. I turned it off and on again. I refreshed it. [Repeat until you realise you’re a total idiot. Then repeat some more.] I went to bed.
In the morning, it still wasn’t back. I’d learned my lesson, I only refreshed it, logged on and off again and plugged it in and out once before ringing Virgin to see if there was a problem. See, I’ve made that mistake before – blamed David for breaking the internet before ringing and learning there’s a technical fault in my area. “There’ll be a technical fault!” I told the kids, who were sweating a bit, having woken up in a terrible dystopian wi-fi-free world. “They don’t usually last long!”
I rang. There was no message about a fault. I spoke to a woman who tested the line. And then suggested I unplug the modem and try it in another socket. Nothing. And then she said I needed a new modem. And it’ll be “three to four days.” I hung up the phone, my hands shaking. I told the children – they both shrieked.
“I need to check my moshlings,” Harry said moments later, heading for the computer.
“No wi-fi,” I said.
“Oh yes.” He sat back down.
For the past week, I’ve been writing 750 words every morning on a site called 750words.com. I opened it. Obviously nothing happened. I sighed heavily and opened a blank document instead.
“There’s no wi-fi on the iPad!” Joe shrieked.
“There’s no wi-fi anywhere,” I replied.
“Oh COME ON!” Joe yelled.
Next on my daily To Do list is exercise. I alternate between Nia and Yoga videos. They’re both online. Joe and I had a Take That dance party instead. (Harry was still weeping over the fate of his moshlings.)
I started reading a new book and headed to the computer to add it to Goodreads…
I got a text message about Joe’s preschool fees and attempted to access online banking to confirm when I’d last paid…
Joe spotted a lottery ticket and asked me to check if we’d won…
I could see Facebook on my phone and some friends were arranging a Christmas party, but my calendar is online and doesn’t sync with my phone…
“Ooh!” I thought. “At least I’ll be able to catch up on some TV!” Except everything I want to watch is on Netflix or needs a VPN…
I started making a list titled When The Internet Comes Back.
Harry and I talked the other day about how COMPLETELY RIDICULOUS it is that the internet didn’t exist when I was his age. How there are a lot of things that have changed a lot during my lifetime (cameras always spring to mind, particularly video cameras – my uncle hired one for a party in the 80s and it was like a TV camera – he had to rest it on his shoulder and it came with a separate mic on a stick), but the internet has gone from nothing to pretty much everything in less than 40 years. Unbelievable.
I also joke (“joke”) about how my entire life is online, but I was shocked by how much of my day-to-day stuff requires the internet.
After lunch, I unplugged the modem, blew some dust off it and plugged it back in. It was working again. We were all extremely relieved.