Is that too much to ask for?

All-I-really-want-to-do-is-spend-my-life-travelling-the-world-reading-books-that-take-my-breath-awayI saw this quote on Twitter the other night and it made me gasp.

This is what I want. Exactly what I want. (Well, not exactly. As my friend Kate pointed out, you could replace “tea” with “wine”…)

I mean, I know I’m hardly unique in this. I know this is probably the perfect life for many many people, but… when I saw it, something sparked inside me. Because I do want that. Exactly that (with wine) and I’ve wanted it for as long as I can remember. But do I spend my life in a way that’s bringing me closer to that? Nope. 

I love my life. I’ve written before about how I used to get upset when the cherry blossom arrived because it meant another year had gone by and I still felt… stuck. I don’t feel like that now. I love writing books (book news soon, I hope). I love home educating. I love my husband and my boys and my house (although I’d love my house more if I could move it to another town). I love myself (and it’s taken me a long time to say that!). 

But I find it so easy to get stuck in a rut. I’m kind of lazy and even though I do a lot of stuff, I don’t really do it as well or as much as I could. When I read Brené Brown on “wholehearted” living, it made my heart beat faster. Because I am half-hearted. In almost everything. (So I guess at least I’m wholly half-hearted…) And I don’t want to be that way anymore. 

I’m 42. Time is passing. Fast. My boys are growing up. I always tell myself we’ll have more money in the future, we’ll be able to live the way we want to in the future. But I’ve been telling myself that for – what? – 30 years now? I need to do what I can now to make sure we do have more. More travel, more books, more tea, more writing, more wine.